Shade Trees

Most people consider what they want to be known for, but I do not hear most people considering what they will leave behind. Even still when considering one's legacy one rarely talks of how what they do, or leave will impact those who will be here after one no longer walks the earth. Of course, it only makes sense as fallen man is inclined to his own self-interest. I was reading the book "What He Must Be...If He Wants To Marry My Daughter" by Dr. Voddie Baucham, Jr. and I came across the following passage.

I looked at my children and told them something that I have since said to them no less than a hundred times. "Kids, you must seek to become the kind of people who plant shade trees for others to sit under." I went on to explain how people in the past had sacrificed in order for us to enjoy virtually everything we had. We talked about our Founding Fathers, about brave African slaves, and even about grandparents. I'm not sure how much of that day's lesson sank in with the children. However, since then I have been trying to teach the same lesson in myriad ways. We constantly talk about living our lives in such a way that we plant spiritual shade trees for the benefit of others. We use phrases like multigenerational vision and legacy. As our children get older and anticipate their future, they are beginning to understand that life is more about the here and now. They are beginning to catch the vision.

Though rarely done by most of our population it is important to consider how what we are leaving will impact the future, and I would like to share from a Biblical perspective why it is so.

The Communal Nature of Man

The newer generations are reporting to be lonelier and more depressed, and in an age of self-interest where the great aim is to seek satisfaction in anything but God and their fellow man, it would be wise to heed the words of my maternal grandmother who has said on numerous occasions "Men and women need each other." The cultures insistence on pushing further and further into isolationism is bad for the flourishing of humanity as a whole. Why, because man was created to be communal with God and each other. I would not believe it is so necessary to teach this except for the fact that within the Christian community I keep hearing professing believers say, "As long as you have God, you don't need anyone else." Let us look then to the first man who was created before the world was fallen. Genesis 2:18 reads, "Then the Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make a helper suitable for him.'" This portion of Adam's life story is the catalyst for why God would create woman and establish the pattern of the family for man, but it also speaks to how humans are created with the need for other people. So, to the Christian who says they only need God, if Adam who had God needed others, what makes you think you are any different? So, how does our communal nature matter when considering what we leave behind when we die and how it impacts the future? Consider the various skills and talents in the world. If there was only one heart surgeon in the world and he did not pass down the instructions to successfully perform a heart surgery, when he dies the skill would be lost unless someone somehow re-discovered it by accident. If there was only one carpenter and he did not pass down his skills, once he dies the skill is lost to time, and so it would be with all skills. Even the concept of the hospital was just an idea at one point until someone built it revolutionizing how we consider care for the ill, as there was now a place to go instead of just waiting for the doctor to come to you. Even consider the arts! Without the music of artists like The Winans, Commissioned, Helen Baylor, Shai Linne, Crossmovement, Hazakim, etcetera to remind of God's goodness and inspire pushing forward with daily task life would just be less enjoyable.

The Duty of Man To Provide

Aside from the good benefits we see of good things being left behind for future generations. We must consider what we leave behind as it is man's duty. 1 Timothy 5:8 reads, "But if any man does not provide for his own, especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." Often, I have seen this passage paired with 2 Thessalonians 3:10, which is the verse known for if a man does not work, he should not eat, in order to emphasize the need of a man to work so he can provide for his family while he lives, and no one would argue against this. However, I believe it is Biblically supported that a man must provide beyond his wife and children but to his grandchildren. Look to the first half of Proverbs 13:22 "A good man leaves an inheritance to his children's children," My late father had a desire to protect his family at all costs, and he worked daily to make sure our needs were met. He was never sure that he would be able to leave us material possessions when he left, but he would do everything he could for our best, and it is because of this that my siblings and I continue to work hard to care for our future generations. It is in this way, passing on his work ethic that my dad cared for his children and now his grandchildren are cared for. This does not just apply to those who are married with children, but even the single and childless must consider what they are leaving in the world that can benefit society as a whole. God has endowed the single and childless with gifts and talents that can be passed on to future generations in a way that they might not expect. I think of Nancy Demoss Wolgemuth who while single for decades used her talent to further teach Christian women, and after getting married in her mid to late fifties she continues doing the good work she was called to and impacting the lives of thousands of women. Though I am unsure if this woman is single or not, it is also good to look to Champale Anderson a mother in Missouri who would feed children in her neighborhood before and after school.

The Type of Legacy Left

This all beckons the question of what type of legacy should one leave.  I mentioned earlier that my father was not assured he could leave material possessions, and I know there is a fear among many that material possessions are impossible to attain let alone to leave to the future generation. The problem is that as humans we are inclined to think in material as far as what is left behind, but the primary thing one leaves behind is their example. Ask yourself what is the reputation you have? Are you known for being caring? Are you known for being a hard worker? Or are you known just for what you have accumulated? Do you set an example that it is important to sacrifice for the good of others or do you merely seek self-interest and see people as merely disposable pawns in the path of achieving what you want? Secondly it is important to encourage the future generation to be societally minded about how they can use their skills and talents. 

For the body is not one member, but many. If the foot says, "Because I am not a hand, I am not a part of the body," It is not for this reason any less a part of the body. And if the ear says, "Because I am not an eye, I am not a part of the body," It is not for this reason any less a part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would hearing be? If the whole body were hearing, where would the sense of smell be? But now God has placed the members, each one of them, in the body, just as He desired. If they were all one member, where would the body be? But now there are many members, but one body. And the eye cannot say to the hand, "I have no need of you"; or again the head to the feet, "I have no need of you."                                                                                

1 Corinthians 14:1-21

This passage I have often heard to support that as Christians we all have our place in the body of Christ, but we can use this example for the whole of society. Each member of the household is important to the home, and each citizen to their town. We all benefit when we use our skills and talents for more than just ourselves. If something is lacking in your community and you do not know anyway that need can be met, perhaps in the future generation God is raising up the talent to fulfill that need. However, the needs of the people cannot be met if we teach everyone that they all must go the same course and follow the exact same pattern for life. I did mention that earlier we are inclined to think materially concerning legacy, and do not misunderstand me materials are needed. God will bless a man with material possessions, and he can use those to God's glory and the benefit of humanity as part of his legacy. No matter if his material possessions are very little or very great, but one should not make the end goal for possessions can be gained and lost.

The Most Important Legacy

Lastly, but ultimately, as Christians what we should care about is leaving a legacy of the Gospel. We should spread the truth of God's word. The reason we should care for others and benefitting our future generations is because Christ has left us a legacy of hope in His resurrection that there is life beyond the grave and this world in its fallen state is passing a way, but that everything will be restored to its rightful place. When our first father, Adam ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil he forsook life. He chose himself and did not consider the curse that would be brought on his children of sin and death. That was the legacy he left us with, and as sinners we must resist the urge to continue the pattern of only caring for ourselves. Instead for those of us who are in Christ we have eaten from the true tree of life, Christ and we can rest in his shade for eternity and persevere in this world for as long as He gives us breath here. We can walk boldly knowing one day we all will be raised, and the world will be restored to its rightful place and sin and death will no longer exist. May God bless you as you go about considering your legacy and planting your own shade trees to the glory of God.

For since by a man came death, by a man also came the resurrection of the dead. For as in Adam all die, so also in Christ we will be made alive.

1 Corinthians 15:20-22

~Mrs. Sarchet ~

What Does The Opposite Sex Want?

Getting married felt like hitting the lottery of romantic relationships. Not because marriage is a promise of all life’s problems coming to an end, but because I had escaped the tumultuous waters of dating and had been brought to safe shores where the dating games would finally be over. The questions of when would I meet the right man and get married were officially done. As we approach our third anniversary it still seems like yesterday that we left our single lives behind and I still remember those days of being single, too well. Since being married my husband and I have noticed that singles post certain complaints on the internet that we remember making ourselves before meeting each other and we just look at each other and say those are single people problems. It is not to ridicule singles. We have friends who desire marriage and we pray God sends them their spouses because we want them to experience the joy that is found in the covenantal union. While I fully recognize that not all people will be married in this life, I also acknowledge that when you want to be married and you have not found the right person it can be a difficult experience. Today, I want to address a common topic that my husband and I have seen from our single friends and it is about knowing what the opposite sex is seeking in regards to seeking a spouse. Of course, as a Christian, I will be addressing this from a Biblical perspective.

What Does The Opposite Sex Want?

This question is often asked because of what is seen when one is on the dating market. You see others finding someone and you wonder why you have not. I want to first start by saying this is the wrong question to ask. Why? It is because the question is being asked to find out how to attract someone, but everyone knows that answer. To attract someone all one has to be is physically well presentable outwardly and decent inwardly, and this applies to both genders. Of course this does not mean that everyone will be attracted to you, but you will attract people this way. Even the person you are meant to be with will see you as attractive and vice versa for being well presentable outwardly and decent inwardly. Also I would like to clarify that to be outwardly presentable is not to say you have to have a certain physique, but ask yourself “Do you present yourself well with your shape and style?”, and to be decent inwardly does not mean you have to have one kind of personality. Whether you are shy or boisterous or anything in between ask yourself “Are you kind?” It really is that simple. So where do we go from here? We must understand the base of what is actually needed in character in regards to seeking someone to marry.

What Characteristics Are Needed For Marriage Material?

Before we move forward, I would like to state that just because you find someone with these characteristics it does not mean they are necessarily your spouse. Also, keep in mind this advice is for the Christian single. Non-Christians are not held to the Bible’s standards, and what they do under the eyes of God is God’s to deal with. The Bible does give standards to the children of the Lord in matters of faith and righteousness and that includes our relationships. Often times when it comes to the topic of marriage material for the single Christian one will come across sermons on what a husband should be and what a wife should be and the single is taught that they should consider these things when contemplating future marriage. For men, they are often encouraged to find evidence that a woman can submit, and women are told to seek ways he can protect, lead, and provide. I do not readily discard this advice (though I feel it has been misapplied by certain internet communities, but that is another topic for another day). Singles find their spouses or have their marriages arranged for them in different ways. However, when your marriage is not arranged and you are dating the process can become more tedious on behalf of the single person wondering how to tell if their boyfriend or girlfriend is marriage material. So, here are a couple of things I feel are worth considering for Christians on the dating market.

I will start with the obvious. Is the person a Christian? Christian singles are often stressed about not being unequally yoked with non-believers. I am willing to wager that some Christian singles can quote 2 Corinthians 6:14-18 by heart. When you first start dating it sounds simple enough, but when you have been on the market for a while it can be easy to be tempted to compromise entering into a relationship with a non-Christian, but you must not give into this temptation. Consider if you did cave into the temptation of being with a non-Christian and it seems to have worked out and you made it to the altar. If you are a woman, then a Hell bound sinner is now the leader of your home and you have set him as an authority over you. If you are a man, then a Hell bound sinner is now your helpmeet spiritually. If children are born to this union they will be born in a union where a Hell bound sinner has authority over them, and as they do not love God they will teach those children that God is not important. Does this mean that God cannot redeem the unsaved spouse or the unsaved children? Absolutely not! However, why would you willing place yourself in that situation? God is a good Father who desires the best for His children. This is why His word teaches us to not be unequally yoked. If you have been on the market for what seems a long while, trust that God knows and He has prepared your way.

The next thing you should look to for a marriage material Christian is if they display the fruit of the Spirit. The passage about the fruit of the Spirit is Galatians 5:22-23. The fruit of the Spirit is evidence of the new life in Christ, as it is what the Holy Spirit produces in us. Often times we look at the fruit of the spirit as separate fruits because the multiple aspects of love, joy, peace, patience (forbearance), kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control are listed. There is a problem with viewing the aspects as separate. As Christians we battle with the sin nature in this life. Due to this battle we do not always display the aspects of the fruit of the Spirit perfectly. If we apply the aspects of the fruit of the Spirit as separate attributes then when it comes to dating we put ourselves in the unfortunate position of looking for absolute perfection in these areas for who we date, even though we cannot display these attributes perfectly ourselves. So how does one know if one displays the fruit of the Spirit if the aspects are not displayed perfectly? The fruit of the Spirit is a matter of the heart! Does the person have a love for God and does it show? Look at the motivation behind what they do. Is it because they love the Lord? Non-Christians do not love God and their actions are guided by their flesh. Look at Galatians 5 closely starting in verse 16 through the end of the chapter.

But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh. For the desire of the flesh is against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, in order to keep you from doing whatever you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the Law. Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: sexual immorality, impurity, indecent behavior, idolatry, witchcraft, hostilities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions, envy, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these, of which I forewarn you, just as I have forewarned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. Now those who belong to Christ Jesus crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let’s follow the Spirit as well. Let’s not become boastful, challenging one another, envying one another.

Galatians 5:16-26

Notice how in contrast to the fruit of the Spirit it speaks on the desires of the flesh. It is important to know this because the sinful man who is without Christ lives according to his flesh and he hates God (Romans5:10). Matthew15:17-19 further clarifies that the deeds of the flesh are from the heart.

Do you not understand that everything that goes into the mouth passes into the stomach, and is eliminated? But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and those things defile the person. For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murders, acts of adultery, other immoral sexual acts, thefts, false testimonies, and slanderous statements.

Matthew15:17-19

The question then becomes how do you test someone’s heart while dating? In my article “One Woman's Dating Plan: Offered To You” I mention not getting emotionally invested right away. Often times we walk into dating with rose colored glasses on. It is evident that there is a level of interest between the both of you, and when you are dating in hopes to marry there is an air of hope that it will work out. However, it is not a guarantee that it will work out. So, it is important to not emotionally invest right away. Which is not to say be cold on a date, but it is best to approach the getting to know you stage as no different than hanging out with a good friend until you know it is more serious. If you worry that you cannot do this on your own, then involve someone you trust to help you vet the person.

Good Qualities But Not For Me

The scariest thing in dating, especially if you have been looking for a spouse, is acknowledging someone is not for you. I mentioned earlier someone can have good characteristics but not be for you. You may not want to hurt the other person, or you are afraid that after so long of dating maybe the right person is not out there for you so you have placed your hope in God to make this work out. You are not alone in this boat. If you think you are the only one who has dealt with this, then talk to some married couples about their experiences pre-marriage. So how do you know who it is? God tailor made you special and whoever it will be will be tailor made for you. When dating ask yourself are there things you cannot compromise on? Start there. If being with someone means compromising on a major issue then that is a good start to say no to someone. For me personally, it was certain theological positions. I prayed to God to lead me to the man who had those same positions. As I got to know my husband I saw we held same values in regards to family and I was blessed to see his character rather quickly. Another issue could be you just do not click at all even if you gave them multiple chances at getting to know you conversations. God knows what you need. Whoever He has for you will not be perfect, and so do not seek perfection in them. Look at them with grace and see Christ in them and how He has shaped them to be right for you. 

The road to marriage may be bumpy but hang on to the Lord. I pray this has blessed you, and may you be blessed in your journey wherever you may be.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Sarchet

Ringing In 2023!

It is almost New Year’s Eve and it is a time for rendezvous, reflections, resolutions, and reminders that you are too old, too young or just too exhausted to stay up that late to watch the clock strike 12 and the ball drop. Being that it is almost the New Year, I would like to take a moment to just touch on some of what I hope to do in 2023, Lord willing.

My focus for 2023 will be guided by the term expansion. I want to focus on having a larger reach for my work, as such I will be expanding my presence on social media. I am setting up an official writer’s page on Facebook. Also, I will be setting up an Instagram for additional promotion, and I will be utilizing YouTube as well. There is an official writer’s website writermrssarchet.com where everything can be found in regards to what I am working on. So, if you are interested in updates or learning more please visit the website. By the Lord’s will, the Instagram and Facebook page will be up and running on January 1^st, 2023. I do not have an official date for the YouTube, but by God’s will that will begin in January as well. I do plan to host some events as well in 2023, but I will announce those when they are closer to time.

So, why am I aiming to expand my audience? I am not hoping for tons of fame, but I know God has called me to a writer’s life, and I know this because it is the talent He gave me that has been most blessed by Him, and I want to use it as much as possible to His glory, and to reach however many I can by His grace for as long as He has me do this.

Thank you, to all those who continue to support me in this journey, may God grant you a good start to the New Year.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Sarchet

On Marriage and Mental Illness: 5 Questions

One of the aspects of my marriage that I have not blogged about is that my husband has a mental illness. It is not because I am ashamed or feel it needs to be hidden that I have not written on the topic, but due to my beliefs on marriage I do not feel it impacts the commitment I made to him before the Lord. My husband is a Christian mental health advocate and he is the founder of Christ-Centered Mental Health. As Christians we firmly believe marriage is a lifetime covenant, but studies have come about showing marriages where a spouse is mentally ill have divorce rates up to 80% in multiple countries. My husband and I want to encourage others who are in marriages where there is mental illness to be strong in those marriages and not to give up on the covenant that was made before God. And so, we are writing a joint blog post where we answer 5 questions on being married and dealing with mental illness. I will be writing from my perspective as a wife without mental illness, and he will write from the perspective of a husband with mental illness.

The 5 Questions

Do you see your marriage as different from other marriages because of the mental illness?

My husband disclosed his mental illness to me less than a week into us getting to know each other. He has schizoaffective disorder, but he explained how he takes care of his mental health and is usually stable more than he is unstable because he does take his medication regularly. This allowed me to be open to the idea of dating him, as it showed he would be upfront, open, and honest about what is important. As a Christian my understanding of the world is that sin, death, and decay, and all manners of illness are a result of the fall of man (Genesis 3). I was never looking for a perfect husband, I only wanted my husband, and I knew even before marriage that I would be willing to help care for my husband for as long as God has us on this earth no matter what illness there may be. With my husband’s illness I view it is no different than having to take care of a husband with heart disease or cancer. All people become ill, and my marriage is normal because of that. I just need to make sure I am prepared to handle the particulars of my husband’s illness.

Does your spouse worry about how you view them because of their mental illness?

I know he has expressed this to me, but I continue to try to show him I love him. I deeply love my husband. He is not perfect, but he is just right for me. I do not think his illness makes him any less loveable even with the challenges it brings. I always want him to know he is loved. Different hardships are trying to a marriage in different ways, but if his illness was an issue that I was not willing to deal with I would not have married him, as I fully knew he had this illness within a few days of talking to him.

Do you worry about how the world views your marriage because of mental illness?

This is not something I normally think of, but I would say I am more concerned that the world will try to define my husband by his mental illness instead of seeing him as the whole being he is. My husband is a man with his own unique, God given personality. He has likes and dislikes, hopes and dreams, and loves me the way any good man loves his wife. His illness may cause him to have some bonkers behavior from time to time, but that is not his normal life. He leads our home in righteousness before the Lord to the best of his ability. He is a great husband and I am grateful God brought us together. On that note, I will say there are those who have tried to bring up transgressions from his past when he was less stable to try to tear apart our marriage, but he had informed me of those transgressions before we were married. When someone tries to use my husband’s illness against him I assure you that they have done nothing but given me a further reason to love him more, because the world is against him.

How important is it for your spouse to communicate their symptoms, and is it always easy?

It is always important for him to let me know when he is dealing with symptoms from his illness. Sometimes, it is mild, but other times it is more serious. I find it most helpful if I remain aware of his symptoms and check in. I always ask how he is feeling. If he goes through something that may trigger his symptoms, I check in with him and reassure him I am there for him. It is not always easy for him to communicate his symptoms, because sometimes he does not notice them. As long as I remain aware of him, sometimes I might notice before I becomes a full blown episode and this allows him to get help from his therapist and psychiatrist when necessary.

In what ways has mental illness blessed your marriage?

My husband’s mental illness has brought us closer together as a couple and in Christ as we learn to deal with the different challenges. For example, when I first met my husband he was on the wrong dosage of meds. After marriage, he was put on a medication that almost killed him, but through that God placed him on the dosage of the meds that allowed him to function properly as a person. We really saw the hand of God working through all of this.

_______________________________

For those who are married and are dealing with mental illness, my husband and I hope this encourages you. Perhaps you can answer these questions with your spouse as well. No matter how long you have been married do not give up on your covenant. Remember your promise to remain in sickness and in health, and mental illness is not excluded from this. Go to counseling if you need it, and may you look at your spouse as lovingly as you did the day you knew you loved them.

(Read my husband's response.)

To Do The Most Good

While perusing on Facebook one day I came across the following question, “If you had all of Superman’s superpowers for 24 hours, and you wanted to do the most good in the world during that one day what would you do?” Immediately I thought of Superman’s power to reverse time and return to the past, and so my answer would be to return back to the past and prevent the fall of man from happening. After all, how much more good can be done aside from the erasure of all evil from the world? However, just as soon as I had thought on this I questioned if it truly would be good to prevent the fall of man from happening. It would be easy to question if I have lost my marbles to wonder if preventing the fall of man would be good, but I do have a Biblically sound reason to believe it could not be and from here I shall proceed to build my case.

The Boundary of Good

Good is a concept that originated from God. In fact it is better stated that all that is good comes forth from God. Look carefully at the creation account in Genesis (Genesis 1:1-2:3). Take note that each time God created something, what He created was good and at the completion of creation on day six it was very good. And so God’s completed works will always be top tier goodness. I bring this up because part of God’s goodness was to create a boundary on goodness. Whatever crosses the boundary of good by default falls into the categories of evil, sin, and bad. In Genesis chapter 2:7-25 (which is a deeper look into day 6 of creation) we see the Lord God creating this boundary in the law he gave to man.

The Lord God commanded the man, saying, “From any tree of the garden you may eat freely; but from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day you eat from it you will surely day. –Genesis 2:16-17

We also see another moment of something being declared outside of the boundary of good. Genesis 2:18 reads:

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.”

Both of these boundaries show us that things are not good when God’s law is broken and also when creatures live in a way less than what God desired them to be when creation was declared good. The breaking of God’s law is always evil and sinful, but living less than when creation is good is not always sin. For example, a person being born without limbs is not a sin. However, that person does live a life that is less than what God intended when the creation was called good. The fall of man was a result of God’s law being transgressed. With the fall came sin, death and decay and the severity of that degree is that no man is good. However, man would never be completely void of the knowledge of God’s law, but at the fall he became intimately acquainted with the knowledge of what was evil as well. The tree of the knowledge of good and evil that they were commanded not to eat from was aptly named. Just as evil appealed to our first parents, Adam and Eve, it appeals to us. Even when man does what appears to be good he cannot do it in a completely right way according to the standard of good God had set for us in the beginning. For example, a man can do good by helping his neighbor bring his groceries into his house, but if he is doing it to prove to himself he does not need to acknowledge his creator, God, and can create his own moral standard; the good action he has done is voided by the wickedness in his heart.

Romans 3:9-18

What then? Are we better than they? Not at all; for we have already charged that both Jews and Greeks are all under sin; as it is written, “There is none righteous, not even one; there is none who understand, there is none who seeks for God; all have turned aside, together they have become useless; there is none who does good, there is not even one. Their throat is an open grave, with their tongues they keep deceiving.; the poison of asps is under their lips; whose mouth is full of cursing and bitterness; their feet are swift to shed blood, destruction and misery are in their paths, and the path of peace they have not known. There is no fear of God before their eyes.”

We have now firmly established that good has a boundary and that in order for something to be evil it must cross that boundary. The logical next question to ask is, “Does evil have a boundary?”

 

The Boundary of Evil

“You will know them by their fruits. Grapes are not gathered from thorn bushes nor figs from thistles, are they? So every good tree bears good fruit, but the bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot produce bad fruit, nor can a bad tree produce good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.” —Matthew 7:16-19

The words of Jesus in Matthew 7 are important to understanding the boundary of evil. First, I want us to recognize that God is good. As we see in the creation account all good things come from God. So, now we must confront how do we reconcile that the concept of evil was created in the creation account as well? God saw it as good to create a concept of evil, is evil therefore good? We can dispel these thoughts with a closer look at the creation account. All that was good was created actively. God actively spoke good into existence. Evil is a concept God created passively. When God created the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, that was a good act. When God gave the command for man not to eat from that tree, that was a good act. Evil would only be activated by the breaking of the command. It was not actively created in God’s good world and therefore it is never meant to be seen as good. Next, we must recognize good cannot come from bad. Though our first parents started in the position of good, after they had become intimate with the knowledge of evil their offspring (all of humanity) would have the same intimate knowledge of evil. We more commonly refer to it as inheriting the sin nature (Romans 5:12). The law of God is also still in all of man, but we suppress it and go against it, and it actively shows us guilty as practitioners of sin (Romans 1-3). This is important to keep in mind in the discussion of a boundary for evil. Evil once it was activated in man knew no bounds in the way it would manifest itself. We know of the different ills in the world, and do not need to list them. Man CANNOT contain evil, because man does not have in himself what it takes to produce anything good. Sin gets passed on from offspring to offspring, by nature we are corrupt and separated from the goodness our first parents once had. So, where then is the boundary of evil in a corrupted creation? The answer is nowhere. Evil does not have a boundary on earth. What hope is there then to escape evil? God has made it clear that He is the ruler of all and the evil cannot escape His plan for it (Revelation 20). And so, evil is contained by the will of God.

God is sovereign above all things. This means He is the Master of all things. He is not a created being so He was never confined to the laws that govern men. He is the enactor of the law. What this means is that once evil had been activated, inherently He is the only one who could have possibly contained it. We see this throughout the Bible. God prevented Abimelech from violating the wife of Abram (Genesis 20). God also hardened Pharaoh’s heart against Israel (Exodus 10:20 & 11:10). God controls the leaders of the world (Proverbs 21:1), and this includes the wicked ones. This fact points to an ultimate truth about evil. God allows evil to be used as a tool to accomplish His will.

 

The Will of God In Eternity Past

Knowing that God can keep evil contained, and can allow it to be used as a tool for His purpose then why does He not destroy it? For this we must remind ourselves that God is good. As He is good He cannot lie.

“God is not a man, that He should lie, nor a son of man, that He should repent; has He said, and will He not do it? Or has He spoken and will He not make it good?” –Deuteronomy 23:19

This matters because we learn something very important about God’s work in the predestination of the salvation of His people. Ephesians 1:3-6 reads:

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we would be holy and blameless before Him. In love He predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the kind intention of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace, which He freely bestowed on us in the Beloved.”

This passage is in reference to the believers in Christ. Notice how the passage uses the words “before the foundation of the world” in regards to when we were called to become believers in Christ. This means all of what has happened in this world was planned and it is an agreement within the Trinity. If God cannot lie He must keep His word even to Himself. We also see it is “according to the kind intention of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace…” and that gives the reason why He predestined us, but could He not redeem us and choose to be rid of all evil. We learn further of God’s predestination in Romans 9, and there we see God has even predestined those who are not redeemed to His glory as well.

 

Answering The Question

Now we have established that good has a boundary, once that boundary is crossed evil is created, evil does not have a boundary but God can and does contain it and use it as a tool for His will. Now, we will bring these facts together to answer the question can going back in time to undo the fall of man be evil? The answer is, yes. If the fall were to be reversed it would be evil, because it would go against the will of God who is good and all He does is good.

God’s will proceeds from Him actively, just as all that is good preceded from Him actively in the creation. To try to go outside of His will would be sin as it would be a violation of how He has chosen for things to be. There is a prime example of this in Matthew 16:21-23. The passage reads:

From that time Jesus began to show His disciples that He must go to Jerusalem, and suffer many things from the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed, and be raised up on the third day. Peter took Him aside and began to rebuke Him, saying, “God forbid it, Lord! This shall never happen to You.” But He turned and said to Peter, “Get behind Me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to Me; for you are not setting your mind on God’s interests, but man’s.”

Peter did not want Jesus to suffer and die, by all we know to be good for us humans not desiring the suffering and death of people is considered a good thing, but what the Lord had stated the will of God, and it was greater sin to be in opposition to how the Lord would choose to redeem His people for His glory.

If had the superpowers of Superman for 24 hours, and I used them to prevent the fall of man, it would put me in a position of opposing God’s will, as I would not be setting my mind on God’s interests, but man’s.

____________________________

 Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and unfathomable His ways! For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has become His counselor? Or who has given to Him that it might be paid back to Him again? For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be the glory forever. Amen.

Romans 11:33-36

One Woman's Dating Plan: Offered To You

Before I met my husband, I had actually formulated a dating plan in order to actively find a husband that would have begun in January 2020 when I would have been 31, and I had a goal to be engaged (if not married) by age 35. God had other plans and I met my husband in 2019 and was engaged and married in 2020. I never was able to enact my new dating plan, but I still believe it was a great idea. As someone who had been raised in the purity culture era it would definitely be a game changer for the Christian woman who was in my situation where there were many purity culture ideas guiding their dating life for quite a long time even though some of them had been broken down. The idea of purity would not be diminished from the new plan, and because I do believe it is still a great plan I want to offer my plan to any single Christian woman who is seeking marriage.

 

A Small Note: On Dating Vs. Courting

 

Before diving into the plan I want to address why I use the term dating instead of courting for those who still make distinction between these terms. I do not make a distinction. Many who were brought up in the purity culture era have been taught that dating means sex is involved by default and that is why courting is better. That is utter nonsense in my opinion. Just because a person is dating it does not automatically mean they are having sex. There are even non-Christians who do not have sex before marriage, and they would call going out with someone for romance dating. Even when there are extra restrictions, I would still refer to it as the same thing. Unless you have an arranged marriage, I have not found many distinctions in the mate selection processes for the abstinent/celibate non-Christian (including those who claim no faith) and the Christian. The truest distinction I have found is with the reasons behind why we do what we do.

 

The Dating Plan

 

Part One: Initiation

 

How does one begin dating? As a woman who was raised in purity culture there is the concept of needing to wait for a man to ask you out (in some cases ask your father for permission to ask you out) and so you wait, and you wait, and you wait, and still no man seems to want you. Are they all unavailable? Are the men scarce? Is there something wrong with you? You need to put those thoughts aside. Let me ask you a question, did you make your availability known? Does anyone actually know you are actively seeking marriage? This brings tells us what the true first step in dating is, self-marketing. Some of you may be saying to yourselves, “Everyone already knows I am single,” or “I have signed up for dating sites.” Let me tell you there are plenty of single people who claim they are not searching and some dating sites have many inactive profiles. This brings to my first step in the plan, be the initiator.

 

The thought of being the initiator is scary. No one likes being rejected and the initiator definitely may have to deal with this, perhaps even a great number of times, but dating is also about numbers. The more men you ask out the more dates you can receive. As a woman, it is more of a balance because you do not want to emasculate a man by directly asking him out. So, how would I have gone about this according to the plan I had set. First step would be to strike up a conversation. As a Christian woman it was highly important for me to find a husband who shared the same faith, and a quick conversation would be able to help quickly discern if he was or not. Also, a small conversation is a great way to get to know if someone has the potential to get along with you and if you think it is worth trying to see if something is there. Step two, if all goes well with the initial conversation is to give him your number. Do not ask him out, but tell him something along the lines of “If you are interested, give me a call.” That is the entire initiation process. This way he will know you are interested and looking, and if he is interested he can feel free to ask you out without worrying about being rejected on his end either. If he says he is not interested or never calls, just move on to a new man. My plan was to do this with multiple men. Why not stop at one? Recall what I mentioned earlier, a part of dating is about the numbers. So, what do you do if multiple men ask you out? Let us move to the next part of the plan.

 

Part Two: Go On Those Dates!

 

He called… they called. If one man called or multiple men it is time to set up the dates!  This is radical for a Christian woman from the purity culture era, but I am going to encourage open dating, and I am not talking about out-in-the-open dating that purity culture stated was necessary to protect purity (though I am not discouraging it either), but I mean date multiple men. How does this help if you are looking for a husband? It is all about how it is done. When the dates are set up you should be upfront that you are openly dating with marriage as the end goal. This gives the man the opportunity to decide if this is a process he wants to engage in. For this part of the plan you must not emotionally invest in a man immediately. Why are you doing that when you do not know if it will turn into anything more serious? The beginning of dating should be a getting to know you stage. As the goal is to find a husband, talk about what is important on the first few dates (deeper theology, family values, politics, etc.). Do not think that you need to be cold towards these men during this stage, but you just need to know where they stand on the issues that matter most for a marriage. Keep in mind that this part of the plan should not be dragged on for a long period of time. You are not trying to be in this stage for no more than a few dates. After you have the important issues established for each man you are ready for part three.

 

Part Three: Elimination Round!

 

You have the most important issues out of the way for each man. Now you must begin eliminating some of them from further dates. Remember the goal is to find a husband, and you cannot marry them all. For some it will be extremely obvious that they should not be dated again. They may display lack of maturity or disagree on a good number of the important issues, that sort of thing. During the dating process get rid of them as soon as you know they need to go. Do not prolong the process. There are two questions we can address from here. The first being, what happens if none of the men meet the important requirements for marriage? In this scenario the answer is simple, revisit the initiation step. The second question is what if one or more meet the standard? This is a little more nuanced. My personal option would be to ask the men where they believe things are for us. If only one wants to move forward then he would be the one I would give a chance by default. What if more than one wants to move forward? I believe it is okay to perhaps be a little pickier if they all have great qualities. For example, maybe you do not want to marry someone from a single parent home, or if you like the smile of one more than the others. Another option is to have some insight from people you know who have your best interests at heart tell you their opinions. The goal is to get down to one.

Part Four: There Can Be Only One!

 

“Here we are! Born to be kings, we’re the princes of the universe!” And now that all the other Highlander fans have sung that in their heads with me we move to what I consider the critical stage of the dating plan. You have eliminated all others and he is the only man left. Now, it is all about getting to know his character in different settings. For this, out of wisdom, I highly suggest putting a timeframe on this. My personal timeframe would have been one year of dating. Most men who have become married say they knew within six months to a year if they wanted to marry the woman they were with. If a movie is to describe your love life it does not have to be 12 Years A Girlfriend. When you are meeting for the future dates try to see how he is with his family, with friends, when you are alone. Also, feel free to ask around about him. You are trying to get married, and that is a big deal. You should not just settle because he seems good. Make sure he is an upstanding man. He does not need to be perfect, but he should be decent. During this stage, remind him the goal is marriage. You do not need to pester him, but if you have given yourself a timeframe, periodically check in with how he is feeling about where things are going. If it all works out you will be engaged and married in no time. If it turns out that he just was not the right one, then return to the initiation step. 

Some Final Thoughts

 

The plan I have presented is not a mandate, and I would not force anyone to try it. If you are comfortable with giving it a shot I believe it is worth a try. I can think of a few objections that may be argued against the plan. For starters, a woman who initiates is quite taboo for the Christian world. It is often argued that the Bible says “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” (Proverbs 18:22) This must mean that the man must initiate, right? To them I ask if you have read the book of Ruth. There is this beautiful story about Ruth and Boaz, the great-grandparents of King David, and when it came to initiating the marriage talk who was the initiator? Even further, there is no Bible passage that condemns Ruth for initiating. The Bible never dictates how a man might find his wife; perhaps he does ask her out, but maybe she shows interest, or his marriage could be arranged. Personally, I wonder if women being afraid to initiate has kept some who desire marriage single longer than when they would have hoped, even though they lived under purity culture’s ideas. Another objection I would suspect might be that a woman who practices open dating will have her reputation ruined. To this I would respond, that is entirely on how people choose to perceive her. According to the plan I presented she is open and honest about her dating process. Not once did I suggest throwing modesty and chastity out the door. If you saw a modest woman who you did not know having a nice cup of coffee with a man do you instantly think she is loose and immoral? Still another objection may be that there seems to be no care for the emotions of the woman or men involved. Recall what I said earlier in part two of the plan, “For this part of the plan you must not emotionally invest in a man immediately.” There is a necessity to guard your heart. It is not to say emotions will never be involved, but the woman and man must look at each other objectively before considering marriage as their option. It can help avoid a lot of unnecessary heartache.

 

Now that I have addressed some anticipated objections I would like to talk about why I like this plan. This plan has wiggle room for modifications. For example, if a woman wants to have her father’s approval in her dating process (which purity culture encourages, and I am neither for nor against) in the initiation process she can give the man her father’s number. However, I would suggest the woman let her father know that his number will be given out and that this is a dating process you are trying to engage in, and make sure he agrees to this. Also, living in the modern era this can easily be applied to online dating as well. Almost anywhere a woman can meet men she can apply this method. Also, I like this dating plan because it demystifies dating. Purity culture caused a lot of hurt for a good number of Christian youth who lived in that era. Yes, God wants us to be pure but being pure does not guarantee the romance story of your dreams. In my experience purity culture painted a picture of magic that awaits, but most who date do not marry the first person they date. It is not always magical, and it should not be expected to be because we live in a fallen world and men and women alike struggle with their sin nature. Whether a woman decides to use this dating plan or not, may God be with you as you trust in Him.

A Holy Desire

 

Not too long ago, and not for the first time, I heard someone say that “Until you do not have a care for this life and only desire to be with the Lord, you do not truly anticipate the return of the Lord.” As a Christian, I whole heartedly believe the Lord will return and on that great day He will put a final end to all sin, death, and pain. I yearn for the day this will happen! However, I cannot subscribe to the idea that any other desire cancels out the depth of one’s desire to see the Lord return. I personally feel that there are plenty who speak the fore mentioned statement, or something along those lines, in jest, but I have come across many who take this idea quite literally and I am writing this for my brothers and sisters in Christ who fall under the conviction of this statement. This is for those who have discarded ideas of working in their dream careers, starting families, and pursuing other various passions for this idea that they are only called to live in a way that anticipates the return of the Lord.  There, of course, is a deeper issue at the heart of this matter, and that is the desire to be holy before the Lord. I want to encourage you with the Scriptures that you do not need to discard your other desires to uplift your passion for holiness.

Why Do We Exist?

If we are to tackle this topic of not denying our desires for holiness, it is imperative to understand the purpose of our existence. The Bible gives us the answer.

Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and unfathomable His ways! For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has become His counselor? Or who has given to Him that it might be paid back to Him again? For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be the glory forever. Amen.

Romans 11:33-36

We are made for God! All people from the creation of Adam and Eve and their proceeding descendants were made for God that He would be glorified through us. Even those who do not believe in Him have this purpose.

What shall we say then? There is no injustice with God, is there? May it never be!  For He says to Moses, “I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion.” So then it does not depend on the man who wills or the man who runs, but on God who has mercy. For the Scripture says to Pharaoh, “For this very purpose I  raised you up, to demonstrate My power in you, and that My name might be proclaimed throughout the whole earth.”  So then He has mercy on whom He desires, and He hardens whom He desires. You will say to me then, “Why does He still find fault? For who resists His will?” On the contrary, who are you, O man, who answers back to God? The thing molded will not say to the molder, “Why did you make me like this,” will it? Or does not the potter have a right over the clay, to make from the same lump one vessel for honorable use and another for common use? What if God, although willing to demonstrate His wrath and to make His power known, endured with much patience vessels of wrath prepared for destruction? And He did so to make known the riches of His glory upon the vessels of mercy, which He prepared beforehand for glory, even us, whom He also called, not from among Jews only, but also from among the Gentiles.

Romans 9:14-24

Why should we know our purpose before speaking on our desires? As Christians we fully recognize that God made everything and established what would be good for us. If we do not recognize the over-arching purpose we are left wafting in the wind about how to approach our personal desires. Now, that we have established that all men are made for God and His overall purpose from the time of creation it is important to look at the creation of man. Why? At creation man was created in the highest state of goodness he could have on earth. He had not been separated from God’s goodness and therefore if we can look at the aspects of how they were created to live we can see what God would declare good for us even when living in His service.

 

The Good Work of Man

What were the works of man when he was declared good? This is the essential question for those who want their desires to align with God’s desires. The account of man’s creation is found in Genesis chapters 1 & 2. Let us look at what was true for them in their lives.

1) Man was to obey the word of the Lord. (Genesis 2:16-17)

Throughout the establishment of man’s creation God established for man how they were to live. It was the law that would guide them. As such no matter what else man did it was to be in the service of the Lord just by the very life he lived. God also created a law with a consequence for breaking it. He commanded man not to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil and if man did he would die.

2) Man was to work. (Genesis 1:28, Genesis 2:15)

God created man to work in the earth and rule over it, and it was beneficial to the wider world around him. God commanded man to rule over the earth, but also to tend (care for) it.

3) Man was to have community with others of his kind. (Genesis 1:28, Genesis 2:18-25)

It was not good for man to be alone. Man was surrounded by animals, and was even in good standing with God, but this was not man’s community. That is why God created his counterpart. Within the community of man he could find aid to help him live this life to the fullest, and the community of man would further expand and be established through the creation of families made by men and women.

The fall of man took all of these things and ended them. Man would no longer care for the word of the Lord, and his first act of rebellion was to break the law God gave to him (Genesis 3:-7). Man would choose to be for himself and discard his community. We see this in the fact that he placed blame on his wife and God for his sin when he was confronted about his sin (Genesis 3:12). Man’s call to work would become a burden to him (Genesis3:17-19). The very consequence of death had begun as man was disconnected from the source of life, God, the moment he sinned against Him. Yet, man is not completely hopeless for Christ came to save man, and all who have their faith and trust in Jesus to save them from the curse of sin and death shall be saved.

The Desires of Christians

After the fall of man the laws that govern life did not cease. Man would still work and establish families, but all is now under a corrupt state. Family units are broken, some men choose isolationism, and men hate each other for various reasons. Also, work is still quite the burden since the curse fell on us, and we are poor stewards of the earth not good caretakers as God designed. In regards to the law of God, man is in a constant state of rebellion against God and chooses to live in foolishness and wicked depravity (Romans 1-3). The damnation of the sinner is assured, but for us in Christ the Bible tells us this, “Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. Now all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation, namely, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and He has committed to us the word of reconciliation.” -2 Corinthians 5:17-19. When it says we are new creatures, it is not that we are something other than human, but that we are no longer separated from God our Creator. While on earth though we are now in a position that pleases God, it is not because of our own works but because of the declaration of God that we are saved in Him because of the finished work of Jesus Christ who represents us who our faith in Him. “For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result works, so that no one may boast.” –Ephesians 2:8. Adam brought to all of his descendants death, but in Christ all who believe in Him have life as Romans 5 teaches us. Christ is the God that man rebelled against, and He is our salvation. How do we know He is our God and Creator? Keep in mind what we read in the Scriptures that all things are from Him, through Him, and to Him. See what the Scriptures say about Jesus in John 1:1-14.

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things came into being through Him, and apart from Him nothing came into being that has come into being, in Him was life, and the life was the Light of men. The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it. There came a man whose name was John. He came as a witness, to testify about the Light, so that all might believe through him. He was not the Light, but he came to testify about the Light. There was the true Light which, coming into the world, enlightens every man. He was in the world, and the world was made through Him, and the world did not know Him. He came to His own, and those who were His own did not receive Him. But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, even to those who believe in His name, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of flesh nor the will of man, but of God. And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we saw His glory, glory as of the only begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth.

Why do we need to remember Jesus is our God and Savior and that it is by His work alone we are saved when we consider our desire to be Holy before Him? It is because there is no further work to be done to place us in right standing with God. The only way we can be right is to have faith in Jesus and His finished work on our behalf to accomplish that salvation for us. After salvation, we Christians will continue to struggle with sin, but we have Christ interceding on our behalf and we cannot lose the salvation He has given us (Hebrews 7:23-28, 1 Timothy 2:5). This is not a license for licentiousness. The Holy Spirit convicts of sin through the reading of God’s word. What is evil in God’s law is evil forever, and we should strive to do what is good in God’s sight, and not because it will make us any more Holy but out of an abundance of joy and love for our Savior who gave us the life that was stolen from us in the fall of man. And doing good does not mean doing anything extra spiritual beyond what the Scripture says. The Bible does not ban marriage for the believer; it does not ban us from working in a good job. Now what we do is to God’s glory. “Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all things to the glory of God.” –1 Corinthians 10:31. God does not stop us from enjoying life, but we can enjoy it more fully because we have the true Life as our Savior. Man in the highest state we were created had the pleasure found in being in right standing with God, living in community with others of his kind, and working. It was not an absence of these things that put him in right standing with God. Why is it that those of us who have been restored to life out of the curse of death believe God would have us be without these things? There is not one Scripture in God’s word that supports such a thought. In all actuality, the desire to get rid of a desire is a Buddhist principal. God does not hold us to this standard. So if you want to start that business, get married, join that hobby, work in a certain field, pray for wisdom and do not be afraid to enjoy life.

“There is nothing better for a man than to eat and drink and tell himself that his labor is good. This also I have seen that it is from the hand of God. For who can eat and who can have enjoyment without Him.”

-Ecclesiastes 2:24-25