I have tackled this topic in multiple conversations
over a good number of years and now I would like to shed light on the question
here as well. The question is an important one as the landscape of marriage has
been shifting in society for a great while, and in different cultures it has
been defined in different ways as well. As a Christian I fully believe the
Bible is the final authority on all things concerning faith and righteousness,
and as it does indeed give us the origin of marriage it is best to turn to
God’s word for this answer. To begin let us have a look at the first marriage.
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good
for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” Out of the
ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the sky,
and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the
man called a living creature that was its name. The man gave names to all the
cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field, but for
Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him. So the Lord caused a deep
sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and
closed up the flesh at that place. The Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib
which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. The man said,
“This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman,
because she was taken out of Man.” For this reason a man shall leave his father
and mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. And the
man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.
Genesis 2:18-25
When we look to the first marriage the first thing
to note is that it is good; we know that it is good, because in contrast God
said it was not good for the man to be alone. Within marriage man has his first
community. That idea is further expanded when it says “For this reason a man
shall leave his father and mother, and be joined to his wife…” So there is an
implication that within marriage children would be born and raised until they
are mature enough to create their own family unit. This is the intention of God
and the explanation of why any form of marriage that is not one man and one
woman is invalid. Children cannot result from homosexual marriage, also
bestiality and objectum sexuality is invalidated because only a man and a woman
are suitable partners for each other in God’s creation order. Just as well,
pedophilia is invalidated because men and women must be mature enough to leave
there mother and father and create a new family unit. Also polygamy is
invalidated because the pattern of marriage in creation is that a man is to
have one wife. Just as the first man had one wife, a man would leave his father
and mother for his wife. And to further add to the list of invalidated
marriages, a person cannot be married to themselves despite what some have
chosen to do because they did not find someone to their liking to marry. So,
these are the first elements to note about marriage; it is from God, it is
good, and it is between one man and one woman.
The next element to note about marriage is that it
is a lifetime commitment. Adam and Eve, the first man and woman, would have
never experienced death before sin entered the world. When God brought them
together it was for the rest of their lives. This did not change for future
generations. One of the rebukes against Israel in Malachi reads:
“This is another thing you do: you cover
the altar of the Lord with tears, with weeping and with groaning, because He no
longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand. Yet you
say, ‘For what reason?’ Because the Lord has been witness between you and the
wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is
your companion and your wife by covenant. But not one has done so who has a
remnant of the Spirit. And what did that one do while he was seeking a godly
offspring? Take heed then to your spirit, and let no one deal treacherously against
the wife of your youth. For I hate divorce,” says the Lord, the God of Israel,
“and him who covers his garment with wrong,” says the Lord of hosts. “So take
heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.”
Malachi 2:13-16
God hates divorce. It goes against what He intended
marriage to be. This is further expanded on when Jesus stated, “It was said,
‘Whoever sends his wife away, let him give her a certificate of divorce’; but I
say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of
un-chastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman
commits adultery.” (Matthew 5:31-32) Before we move forward some may wonder why
there is an exception for un-chastity (marital unfaithfulness) if God hates
divorce. Sex is an act that is created for marriage alone. Just as polygamy is
invalidated, going outside of the marriage in any other manner for sexual gratification
is breaking the marriage covenant. If we return to God’s creation of the
marriage in Genesis 2:24 it reads, “For this reason a man shall leave his father
and mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” The
act of becoming one flesh is to have sex. When a person has sex outside of
marriage it can bring a great deal of problems such as disease, the creation of
illegitimate families, and devastating heartache and strife. God does not
obligate a faithful spouse to remain in such a situation if it is too much for
them to bear. Yet this does not negate God’s original intent for marriage to be
a lifelong covenant. And so we now understand marriage is from God, it is good,
it is between one man and one woman, and it is for a lifetime.
Now, the next question to ask is “How is a marriage
legitimized?” When does someone know they are legally married in the eyes of
God? I have heard multiple answers in the Christian community. I have an
answer, but I would first like to answer some of the things I have heard over
the years.
Does
a marriage need to be consummated before it is legitimate?
Sex does not make a marriage. Sex is important in a
marriage and it is reserved for marriage alone, but that is not what makes the
marriage. Consider Adam and Eve, the marriage was acknowledged before they had
sex. When God brought the woman to the man the man acknowledged she was
completely his by his words not by the act of sex (Genesis 2:23). Which brings
us to the first part of a legitimized marriage; it must be agreed upon. Whether
it is agreed to by third parties arranging the couple or by the couple
themselves there must be agreement. I know some who have an aversion to the
idea of arranged marriage, but I believe a case can be made for it, but this
topic is not about arranged marriages and so I will not be speaking on that
here. Thinking in simpler terms, if sex is what made the marriage God would not
call fornication (sex outside of marriage by unmarried people) a sin (Exodus
22:16, 1 Corinthians 6:12-7:4). Any sex outside of marriage is sin. With the
creation of marriage we understand “For this reason a man shall leave his father
and mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.”
(Genesis 2:24) sex happens in the confines of the marriage it cannot create it.
Does
marriage need to be sanctioned by the church?
The first marriage was sanctioned by God Himself and
so it makes sense that because the church represents Christ on earth that marriage
should be sanctioned by the Church. This idea is a noble one, but it is not
correct. To establish my case I would like to look to the Bible’s words towards
marriages of those who are believers married to unbelievers.
But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that
if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with
him, he must not divorce her. And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and
he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away. For the
unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is
sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are
unclean, but now they are holy.
1 Corinthians 7:12-14
Why turn to a passage about unbelievers being
married to believers to establish that the church does not need to sanction
marriage? When a Christian is married to a non-Christian it is for one of three
reasons. The first is that a Christian intentionally married a non-Christian
(which is forbidden) or secondly both husband and wife were not Christians when
they were first married and then one was called to faith in Christ, or thirdly
a true convert discovered they had married a false convert. To establish this
case we will presume the second is true. When we consider the church of Corinth,
who the book of Corinthians was written to, these were people in the early days
of the church being established. The apostles were still on this earth
spreading the Gospel and teaching what is right in the eyes of God. In the
early church there were plenty of new converts that would have found themselves
in a scenario where one spouse was saved and the other was not. They lived in a
pagan world full of false deities. Some of them were probably married in the
name of false gods, but the Bible does not tell them their marriages are null
and void. Instead it reinforces these marriages. They were still one man and
one woman in the covenant of marriage for life. If the church needed to
sanction the marriage, why does the word of God not give the example of these
couples needing to be remarried in the eyes of the church to be legitimized?
That is the biggest question we should be asking for those who hold that the
church makes a marriage true.
Is
it necessary for the state to sanction marriage?
More often than not I hear of how people want the
government to have less power. So much so that even some professing believers
have settled for what is considered common law marriage. I am staunchly against
common law marriage and if you were to ask anyone who knows me I refer to it as
fornication with extra steps, but this article is not about common law marriage.
When it comes to whether or not the state legitimizes a marriage it is both yes
and no. Why is it like this? Consider what I mentioned previously on how the
Christians did not have to be remarried in order for their marriage to be legitimized
after being brought to faith. They were married legitimately according to the
laws and customs of the land. And so, when it comes to whether or not marriage
needs to be sanctioned by the state the question becomes is it a law and custom
that a legitimate marriage is registered or sanctioned by the state? As much as
some may not like that answer there is Scripture reminding us to submit to our governing
authorities (Romans 13:1-7). Now, I do understand that some may wonder why I
would make an argument for the state possibly needing to sanction the marriage
and not the church. It is simply this, the Church is ruled by the word of God
and it cannot have more authority than what Scripture authorizes. This does not
mean that the church can never sanction marriage, but God has not given a
requirement for the church to sanction all marriages that ever were to exist.
So here in lies the conclusion of what makes a
legitimate marriage in God’s eyes. Marriage is from God, it is good, it is
between one man and one woman, it is for a lifetime, it is agreed upon and it
is legitimized under the customs and laws of the land in which the marriage
covenant was entered.
