In my family's home we celebrate the major holidays for one month. It was a tradition my husband and I established in the first year of our marriage. As it is the month of love, I would like to take time to reflect on how God loves His people.
My God loved me enough to die for me. I am far from deserving of it and am well aware of that fact. I hurt when I realize how imperfect I am. He knows that I want to serve Him better, but in my own strength I cannot and that is a devastating reality for all of us who were born sinners into this world. When I pray my prayers are filled with repentance and pain. It is personally a struggle for me to believe God loves me at all most days. It is for this reason I know the Scriptures are true in Ephesians when it says, "For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast." I cannot trust me. I know my sin encompasses my thoughts and actions. When I reflect on salvation, I know it can only come from outside of me.
My God, the Triune God, the only true God says to put my faith in who Jesus is and everything He has accomplished, because He perfectly did all that would bring salvation to the people who would place their faith in Him alone for salvation. Every year for Christmas season, the church reflects on the birth of Christ, but when I consider Christ's birth, I only think of how He came to die an agonizing death as the penalty of my sin. The sin that haunts me is what lead to the death of someone that we treat as a special baby in a manger every Christmas, but He was not just some baby, Jesus was and is God. Jesus is God. Then after his agonizing death, He conquered death 3 days later proving He was God. The other people in the Bible required the power of God to raise them, but He rose on His own because He is God.
One of my favorite memories of my late father is when I had the joy of seeing him beat up a man in a play. I remember I was about 5 years old and cheering loudly in the crowd. From then I believed my father could save me from anything, but life showed me very well that he could not help me, even as he desired to, but my God's salvation is guaranteed to me. My Heavenly Father knows my hurt and His promise of salvation to me is final. If I am not worthy of salvation, why would God choose to save me? I am made worthy because He chooses to save me. That is all and nothing more to the story. There is the saying "You can't turn a 'ho into a housewife.", but God looks to an unworthy people and says I am loyal to you always.
So, it is I push forward in the faith not because I am worthy, but because God in His love for me is my salvation. It will never be about how I feel or what I can do in my own strength, and any good I do is because of love for Him, because my good is not enough to save me, and if you are also a Christian who struggles to believe God loves you, I pray my words are a reminder to you as well of the hope we have in Christ.
"For while we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will hardly die for a righteous man; though perhaps for the good man someone would dare even to die. But God demonstrates His own love towards us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."
It's the most controversial time of the year! That's right, my Christian brothers and sisters, it is time to battle with each other over whether or not the holidays should be celebrated like Jesus said! To point out the obvious, that was clearly sarcasm. However, is it not the trend within the Christian community in the to argue about these things anytime any major holiday approaches? It has become an absurd tradition within the churches at large that I have had the misfortune of encountering since I can remember. I am not here to argue about if any holidays should be celebrated or not, as I believe the Bible is clear that it is a matter of conscience, even though some have come to the conclusion that it is a sin issue in error. I instead am going to make a case for the holidays, and particularly focus on Halloween as it is quickly approaching and is the most controversial of them all. I hope to encourage my fellow Christians who participate in the holidays, particularly Halloween, as well as hopefully bring some understanding to those who question why devout Christians do from my own point of view.
đBeware you're in for a scaređ
The month of October is filled with 31 Days of Halloween themed activities such as the spooky themed crafts, haunted houses, 31 days of horror films, etc., and it is tons of fun. I enjoy looking at the costume designs of the trick-or-treaters on Halloween night. Whether young or old, as long as I have candy, the trick-or-treaters are welcome at my door. The main themes of Halloween are monsters, death, and fear, and it is because of these themes that I bring my first reason for why Halloween is a good thing to participate in for Christians, which is introducing these very real concepts to children in a way they can understand. How can a Christian do this?
Let us begin with monsters. What images are conjured up when one considers monsters for Halloween? We can easily envision the vampire, the werewolf, the mummy, and movie monsters like Freddy Kruger, and the list goes on for the number of monsters we consider during this time of year. Yet there are real monsters that children have to lookout for, from the playground bully to the adult with evil intentions. For parents it is harrowing to think of the real dangers, and as Christians it is these very anxieties that have us pleading with God for the souls and lives of our little ones. Halloween is a great time to address the ways in which children can handle situations where people mean them harm. It is a good chance to teach them when to fight and when to flee. A couple of good Bible lessons for this topic that I recommend are from King David's life. King David was brave when he fought against Goliath (read 1 Samuel 17), but he had to flee when King Saul was trying to harm him (read 1 Samuel 20).
Follow me into the topic of death, which is one of the most difficult subjects to teach a child. If they have not been exposed to death via loss of a loved one. Halloween could be a great time to introduce the child to the concept. For us Christians we can explain where death came from, and why it is here, and most importantly that death will not be around forever. Death for the Christian is a curse that has been around for thousands of years, but it has not always been this way. The Bible teaches us that there was a time in history where sin and death was not in the world, but our ancestors Adam and Eve disobeyed God, and so the curse of sin and death (read Genesis 1-3). Christ promises us a future in which sin and death will not exist. On the day of the Lord, when everything will be set right. Those who died before His return are coming back with Him, and their bodies will be resurrected from the earth and transformed into incorruptible bodies, and we will dwell with Christ in the newly transformed world for eternity (read 1 Corinthians 15)
Lastly, let us look at fear. Nothing says Halloween season like attempting to see how scared one will be. Thus, making Halloween the perfect time to teach children that they do not have to be afraid of any challenge life brings them as God is in control of the outcome. The perfect lesson from the Bible on this is Queen Esther's story (read the Book of Esther), as she had to muster the courage to go before King Xerxes to request mercy for the life of all the Jews including herself. Fear is for those who do not have faith in God when they are taken from this world, for their fate is God's judgment against their wickedness in Hell for all eternity (read Revelation 20:11-15).
đ Shining The Light đ
Now that we have covered the major three lessons that Christians who participate in Halloween can teach their children, there is yet another reason why I am for the celebration of Halloween. Before sharing the next reason that I have for Christians celebrating Halloween, I feel it is important to share a bit of my own background concerning the holiday. I was raised by devout Christian parents. They were both saved as young adults, and also married and began having children in those same early adult years. As any devotee of the religion, they saw it as imperative to raise their children in the truth, but as any Conservative Christian family there were some teachings that came from fundamental legalism that crept into our home, and thus Halloween was banned in our home for many years. I can recall how every year the trick-or-treating would begin, and we would all hide in the house with the lights off to inform the neighborhood that there was no candy at our house. The first time I recall trick-or-treating, it was when I was above the age of ten and we went to my maternal grandmother's neighborhood. It was a great deal of fun as I went along with my youngest brother, and because everyone saw him as a short and adorable child, we racked up more candy than our other siblings. We did not participate in Halloween again until I was in my early 20's. In my 20's I passed out candy and Bible tracks for the first time, and I thoroughly enjoyed the joy on everyone's faces. Again, in my 20's when my little buddies (my niece and nephew who are like children to me) were old enough we went trick-or-treating. It is one of my happiest memories to have experienced all of the joy and the fun with them. When I look back on those joyous years that we did participate I sometimes find it odd at times that we did so little. Of course, as an adult I understand that my parents themselves had to struggle against their own beliefs concerning the holiday. Their minds had to change in light of what the Scriptures showed them as much as it would for anyone else on any topic. The many years of hiding with the lights off in order to not "participate in Paganism", as so many Christians espouse, we were quite literally hiding our light from the world. The year that I passed out candy with Gospel tracks was the true example of what Halloween could be, and it has stayed with me, which leads to the second reason I believe it is a wonderful reason for Christians to participate in the holiday. Halloween is the perfect holiday to spread the Gospel of Christ to friends and neighbors. Unlike other major holidays where Christians try to invite people to the church (and hopefully they show up), on Halloween people are literally lining up at your door. Why would we as Christians not take the opportunity to hand out Gospel tracks with the candy, or strike up the conversation about Christ with those who come to our doors?
I have heard the arguments that my parents held to, and that many other Christians still proclaim every year to this very day. Any short amount of time spent in Christian circles during Autumn, and one easily can discover a slew of Christians espousing that "Halloween is a Satanic Holiday!" or "Ex-satanist and ex-witches tell us it is a holiday for the Devil!" or "You're leaving the door open for Demons!" or any other amount of hulla baloo one can think of. The arguments have been spoken ad nauseum, and I for one am unconvinced of what they have said as enough to not participate in Halloween. Even if Satanist and Witches use the day for evil, the majority of people who celebrate Halloween are not involved in human sacrifice and black magic spells. By that logic, if someone claiming to be an ex-satanist or ex-witch says spells are cast on Thursdays and people who work on Thursdays are actively participating in Pagan work rituals, will you then avoid going to work? As for me, as long as no one else is paying my bills I am going to work. The adversary has no power, and I am unconcerned for what people say about them, because my God has all the power. Satan is an ant under the sole of Christ's foot! Praise His name!
While this post has been focused on Halloween, let me make it clear I have this same stance for any holiday. Even the Apostle Paul when seeing the altar to an unknown God did not shy away from using that altar to bring up the Gospel and lead souls to Jesus (read Acts 17:22-34). So, I admonish my Christian brothers and sisters who have had questions about if they should or should not celebrate Halloween to please consider what I have written. All things can be used to the glory of God, and this includes holidays. I understand my arguments may not have changed anyone's mind, and neither would I force anyone to believe that we must be united on this. I do hope that I have given some light into the situation that may help some understand, as well as encourage others. We are free in Christ to participate in holidays or not to. I pray to see the day that we stop arguing over such foolish things in the Church and love each other despite our different stances because we are family in Christ, destined to the same eternity with Him.
Recently, I was made aware of a video by Jay Stevens titled "Did God create EVIL?!" It is a short video where two characters (who I will refer to in this post as Character A or A and Character B or B), both portrayed by Jay Stevens, have a conversation about whether or not God created evil. Character A began by asking "Did God create everything that exist?" Character B rightfully answers "Yes, He did." Then Character A proceeds by asking "So, He created evil, right?" B answers with a question "Does cold exist?" A responded "Of course it does, man. Haven't you ever felt cold?" B answers him "I have, but cold does not exist" He continues "Cold is the absence of heat. We only made up the word cold to describe the absence of heat." A then asks B "Then what about darkness?" B responds "Darkness is the complete absence of light. We can study light and brightness, but we can't study darkness itself. Darkness occurs when light isn't present." B concludes by saying "God did not create evil. Evil is the absence of God in people's heats, the lack of love and faith. Love and faith are like warmth and light, they exist. Their absence is what leads to evil." Lastly, B asked A "So, does evil exist?" Thus, their conversation was concluded.
The video was not terrible, but I disagree with the answer to His original question "Did God create evil?" So, I will, by God's grace, do my best to give a Biblical explanation here. Did God create evil? In short, the answer is yes. When God created the world, and all was good He established a boundary for Adam. Adam was not supposed to eat the fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. It was at this moment that evil had been established. It was a concept that had yet to be enacted but it was there. Evil by definition was to rebel against God by breaking His law, and that is exactly what Adam and Eve did. They committed evil establishing that rebellion against God would be the way of all mankind. All evil, also called sin, originated from this one evil act hence why it is often called the original sin. Evil waited in the creation for one to rebel so it could be brought for it like a bird in a cage waiting for someone to set it loose. There are those who disagree with me on this, because it is harsh to consider heinous sins and tie it back to God, and that is at the heart of the matter. More often than not people are considering types of sins and saying to themselves God would be against this and therefore evil could not have been His creation, instead of rightfully seeing He created it as a concept and knew how it would thrive once released on creation. Evil was made to be whatever is in opposition to Him. So, we should not be afraid to say God created evil, because He did not need to commit evil in order for it to be so.
Now, I would like to tackle the question at the end of the video, "So, does evil exist?" The answer to this is yes. I mentioned previously that evil was originally a concept that needed to be enacted on in order to be released, so the question we are to ask now is how does evil exist now that it is enacted? Evil once it was enacted became the nature of man, hence why we refer to man as having a sin nature. Recall the definition of evil is to rebel against God by breaking His law. The law of God is within the hearts of all people. It is what informs us that we are to be kind to our neighbor, that stealing and cheating are wrong, that murder is evil, etc., but man in his sinful state continues to choose evil. We humans lie, cheat, steal, murder, even choose to reject God outright. The moral law is not the only way God has allowed us to understand His law. It was more clearly spelled out in the law given to Moses.
Then God spoke all these words, saying. "I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery. You shall have no other gods before Me. You shall not make for yourself an idol, or any likeness of what is in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the water under the earth. You shall not worship them or serve them; for I. the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children, on the third and the fourth generations of those who hate Me, but showing lovingkindness to thousands, to those who love me and keep My commandments. You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not leave him unpunished who takes His name in vain. Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a sabbath of the Lord your God; in it you shall not do any work, you or your son or your daughter, your male or your female servant or your cattle or your sojourner who stays with you. For in six days the Lord made the heaven and the earth, the sea and all that is in them, and rested on the seventh day; therefore the Lord blessed the sabbath day and made it holy. Homor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you. You shall not murder. You shall not commit adultery. You shall not steal. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor. You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not cover your neighbor's wife or his male servant or his female servant or his ox or his donkey or anything that belongs to your neighbor. - Exodus 20:1-17
These commandments were held in high regard by the children of Israel, to the point where they were shown to attempt very strict observance in the time of Christ. Consider the following confrontation between Jesus and the Pharisees.
He entered again into a synagogue; and a man was there whose hand was withered. They were watching Him to see if He would heal on the Sabbath, so that they might accuse Him. He said to the man with the withered hand, "Get up and come forward!" And He said to them, "Is it lawful to do good or to do harm on the Sabbath, to save a life or to kill?" But they kept silent. After looking around at them with anger, grieved at their hardness of heart, He said to the man, "Stretch out your hand." And he stretched it out and his hand was restored. The Pharisees went out and immediately began conspiring with the Herodians against Him, as to how they could destroy Him. -Mark 3:1-6
At this point in history the children of Israel had known God's law for centuries, but due to the sinfulness in them they did not rightfully understand it. They would much rather a person suffer than to have been healed, because of a wrong interpretation of the law. The Lord Jesus showed that the issue of sin was not just whether or not one outwardly observes God's law, but it is an inner problem. It is because of the sin nature inherited from Adam that no person would ever be able to keep the law correctly. Jesus gave us further clarification of this inner problem in Matthew 5: 21-30 where He declares hating our fellow man is something worthy of Hell and lust is akin to adultery.
Being sinful is not good for us humans, for we are to be judged by God. Hebrews 9:27 informs us that after death is judgement. Those who have rebelled against God are doomed to spend eternity in the lake of fire (Revelation 20:11-15).
"We sometimes shake our little fists, as if God is unjust to condemn anyone to an eternity of torment for rebelling against him...But, more fully, we need to realize the seriousness of our rebellion. The size of the crime is measured in part by the importance of the person you assault. Kill a fly and no one will bat an eyelid. Kill your dog and you might get a fine. Assassinate the Queen and you're in real trouble. So, attack God, the greatest of all beings...and the crime is infinitely serious."
- Jonty Rhodes (Covenants Made Simple, chapter 2)
God's wrath is coming! This is horrifying for anyone who truly understands, but we are not without hope. Christ has come and was sacrificed so that all who have faith in Him will be saved. No one can save themselves by attempting to keep the law. The sin nature has stained our souls thoroughly, but Christ saves His people, those who have faith in Him alone for salvation He has been resurrected proving that we can truly trust that on the last day we are truly saved in Him and will be freed from the curse of sin and death and resurrected in the new life in Him (1 Corinthians 15). The day of evil is almost over.
For the wages of sin is death, but the gracious gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Most people consider what they want to be known for, but I do not hear most people considering what they will leave behind. Even still when considering one's legacy one rarely talks of how what they do, or leave will impact those who will be here after one no longer walks the earth. Of course, it only makes sense as fallen man is inclined to his own self-interest. I was reading the book "What He Must Be...If He Wants To Marry My Daughter" by Dr. Voddie Baucham, Jr. and I came across the following passage.
I looked at my children and told them something that I have since said to them no less than a hundred times. "Kids, you must seek to become the kind of people who plant shade trees for others to sit under." I went on to explain how people in the past had sacrificed in order for us to enjoy virtually everything we had. We talked about our Founding Fathers, about brave African slaves, and even about grandparents. I'm not sure how much of that day's lesson sank in with the children. However, since then I have been trying to teach the same lesson in myriad ways. We constantly talk about living our lives in such a way that we plant spiritual shade trees for the benefit of others. We use phrases like multigenerational vision and legacy. As our children get older and anticipate their future, they are beginning to understand that life is more about the here and now. They are beginning to catch the vision.
Though rarely done by most of our population it is important to consider how what we are leaving will impact the future, and I would like to share from a Biblical perspective why it is so.
The Communal Nature of Man
The newer generations are reporting to be lonelier and more depressed, and in an age of self-interest where the great aim is to seek satisfaction in anything but God and their fellow man, it would be wise to heed the words of my maternal grandmother who has said on numerous occasions "Men and women need each other." The cultures insistence on pushing further and further into isolationism is bad for the flourishing of humanity as a whole. Why, because man was created to be communal with God and each other. I would not believe it is so necessary to teach this except for the fact that within the Christian community I keep hearing professing believers say, "As long as you have God, you don't need anyone else." Let us look then to the first man who was created before the world was fallen. Genesis 2:18 reads, "Then the Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make a helper suitable for him.'" This portion of Adam's life story is the catalyst for why God would create woman and establish the pattern of the family for man, but it also speaks to how humans are created with the need for other people. So, to the Christian who says they only need God, if Adam who had God needed others, what makes you think you are any different? So, how does our communal nature matter when considering what we leave behind when we die and how it impacts the future? Consider the various skills and talents in the world. If there was only one heart surgeon in the world and he did not pass down the instructions to successfully perform a heart surgery, when he dies the skill would be lost unless someone somehow re-discovered it by accident. If there was only one carpenter and he did not pass down his skills, once he dies the skill is lost to time, and so it would be with all skills. Even the concept of the hospital was just an idea at one point until someone built it revolutionizing how we consider care for the ill, as there was now a place to go instead of just waiting for the doctor to come to you. Even consider the arts! Without the music of artists like The Winans, Commissioned, Helen Baylor, Shai Linne, Crossmovement, Hazakim, etcetera to remind of God's goodness and inspire pushing forward with daily task life would just be less enjoyable.
The Duty of Man To Provide
Aside from the good benefits we see of good things being left behind for future generations. We must consider what we leave behind as it is man's duty. 1 Timothy 5:8 reads, "But if any man does not provide for his own, especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." Often, I have seen this passage paired with 2 Thessalonians 3:10, which is the verse known for if a man does not work, he should not eat, in order to emphasize the need of a man to work so he can provide for his family while he lives, and no one would argue against this. However, I believe it is Biblically supported that a man must provide beyond his wife and children but to his grandchildren. Look to the first half of Proverbs 13:22 "A good man leaves an inheritance to his children's children," My late father had a desire to protect his family at all costs, and he worked daily to make sure our needs were met. He was never sure that he would be able to leave us material possessions when he left, but he would do everything he could for our best, and it is because of this that my siblings and I continue to work hard to care for our future generations. It is in this way, passing on his work ethic that my dad cared for his children and now his grandchildren are cared for. This does not just apply to those who are married with children, but even the single and childless must consider what they are leaving in the world that can benefit society as a whole. God has endowed the single and childless with gifts and talents that can be passed on to future generations in a way that they might not expect. I think of Nancy Demoss Wolgemuth who while single for decades used her talent to further teach Christian women, and after getting married in her mid to late fifties she continues doing the good work she was called to and impacting the lives of thousands of women. Though I am unsure if this woman is single or not, it is also good to look to Champale Anderson a mother in Missouri who would feed children in her neighborhood before and after school.
The Type of Legacy Left
This all beckons the question of what type of legacy should one leave. I mentioned earlier that my father was not assured he could leave material possessions, and I know there is a fear among many that material possessions are impossible to attain let alone to leave to the future generation. The problem is that as humans we are inclined to think in material as far as what is left behind, but the primary thing one leaves behind is their example. Ask yourself what is the reputation you have? Are you known for being caring? Are you known for being a hard worker? Or are you known just for what you have accumulated? Do you set an example that it is important to sacrifice for the good of others or do you merely seek self-interest and see people as merely disposable pawns in the path of achieving what you want? Secondly it is important to encourage the future generation to be societally minded about how they can use their skills and talents.
For the body is not one member, but many. If the foot says, "Because I am not a hand, I am not a part of the body," It is not for this reason any less a part of the body. And if the ear says, "Because I am not an eye, I am not a part of the body," It is not for this reason any less a part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would hearing be? If the whole body were hearing, where would the sense of smell be? But now God has placed the members, each one of them, in the body, just as He desired. If they were all one member, where would the body be? But now there are many members, but one body. And the eye cannot say to the hand, "I have no need of you"; or again the head to the feet, "I have no need of you."
1 Corinthians 14:1-21
This passage I have often heard to support that as Christians we all have our place in the body of Christ, but we can use this example for the whole of society. Each member of the household is important to the home, and each citizen to their town. We all benefit when we use our skills and talents for more than just ourselves. If something is lacking in your community and you do not know anyway that need can be met, perhaps in the future generation God is raising up the talent to fulfill that need. However, the needs of the people cannot be met if we teach everyone that they all must go the same course and follow the exact same pattern for life. I did mention that earlier we are inclined to think materially concerning legacy, and do not misunderstand me materials are needed. God will bless a man with material possessions, and he can use those to God's glory and the benefit of humanity as part of his legacy. No matter if his material possessions are very little or very great, but one should not make the end goal for possessions can be gained and lost.
The Most Important Legacy
Lastly, but ultimately, as Christians what we should care about is leaving a legacy of the Gospel. We should spread the truth of God's word. The reason we should care for others and benefitting our future generations is because Christ has left us a legacy of hope in His resurrection that there is life beyond the grave and this world in its fallen state is passing a way, but that everything will be restored to its rightful place. When our first father, Adam ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil he forsook life. He chose himself and did not consider the curse that would be brought on his children of sin and death. That was the legacy he left us with, and as sinners we must resist the urge to continue the pattern of only caring for ourselves. Instead for those of us who are in Christ we have eaten from the true tree of life, Christ and we can rest in his shade for eternity and persevere in this world for as long as He gives us breath here. We can walk boldly knowing one day we all will be raised, and the world will be restored to its rightful place and sin and death will no longer exist. May God bless you as you go about considering your legacy and planting your own shade trees to the glory of God.
For since by a man came death, by a man also came the resurrection of the dead. For as in Adam all die, so also in Christ we will be made alive.
Getting married felt like hitting the lottery of romantic
relationships. Not because marriage is a promise of all lifeâs problems coming
to an end, but because I had escaped the tumultuous waters of dating and had
been brought to safe shores where the dating games would finally be over. The
questions of when would I meet the right man and get married were officially
done. As we approach our third anniversary it still seems like yesterday that
we left our single lives behind and I still remember those days of being single,
too well. Since being married my husband and I have noticed that singles post certain
complaints on the internet that we remember making ourselves before meeting
each other and we just look at each other and say those are single people
problems. It is not to ridicule singles. We have friends who desire marriage
and we pray God sends them their spouses because we want them to experience the
joy that is found in the covenantal union. While I fully recognize that not all
people will be married in this life, I also acknowledge that when you want to
be married and you have not found the right person it can be a difficult
experience. Today, I want to address a common topic that my husband and I have
seen from our single friends and it is about knowing what the opposite sex is
seeking in regards to seeking a spouse. Of course, as a Christian, I will be
addressing this from a Biblical perspective.
What
Does The Opposite Sex Want?
This question is often asked because of what is seen
when one is on the dating market. You see others finding someone and you wonder
why you have not. I want to first start by saying this is the wrong question to
ask. Why? It is because the question is being asked to find out how to attract
someone, but everyone knows that answer. To attract someone all one has to be is
physically well presentable outwardly and decent inwardly, and this applies to
both genders. Of course this does not mean that everyone will be attracted to
you, but you will attract people this way. Even the person you are meant to be
with will see you as attractive and vice versa for being well presentable outwardly
and decent inwardly. Also I would like to clarify that to be outwardly
presentable is not to say you have to have a certain physique, but ask yourself
âDo you present yourself well with your shape and style?â, and to be decent
inwardly does not mean you have to have one kind of personality. Whether you
are shy or boisterous or anything in between ask yourself âAre you kind?â It
really is that simple. So where do we go from here? We must understand the base
of what is actually needed in character in regards to seeking someone to marry.
What
Characteristics Are Needed For Marriage Material?
Before we move forward, I would like to state that
just because you find someone with these characteristics it does not mean they are
necessarily your spouse. Also, keep in mind this advice is for the Christian
single. Non-Christians are not held to the Bibleâs standards, and what they do
under the eyes of God is Godâs to deal with. The Bible does give standards to
the children of the Lord in matters of faith and righteousness and that
includes our relationships. Often times when it comes to the topic of marriage
material for the single Christian one will come across sermons on what a
husband should be and what a wife should be and the single is taught that they
should consider these things when contemplating future marriage. For men, they
are often encouraged to find evidence that a woman can submit, and women are told
to seek ways he can protect, lead, and provide. I do not readily discard this
advice (though I feel it has been misapplied by certain internet communities,
but that is another topic for another day). Singles find their spouses or have
their marriages arranged for them in different ways. However, when your
marriage is not arranged and you are dating the process can become more tedious
on behalf of the single person wondering how to tell if their boyfriend or girlfriend
is marriage material. So, here are a couple of things I feel are worth
considering for Christians on the dating market.
I will start with the obvious. Is the person a
Christian? Christian singles are often stressed about not being unequally yoked
with non-believers. I am willing to wager that some Christian singles can quote
2 Corinthians 6:14-18 by heart. When you first start dating it sounds simple
enough, but when you have been on the market for a while it can be easy to be
tempted to compromise entering into a relationship with a non-Christian, but
you must not give into this temptation. Consider if you did cave into the
temptation of being with a non-Christian and it seems to have worked out and
you made it to the altar. If you are a woman, then a Hell bound sinner is now
the leader of your home and you have set him as an authority over you. If you
are a man, then a Hell bound sinner is now your helpmeet spiritually. If
children are born to this union they will be born in a union where a Hell bound
sinner has authority over them, and as they do not love God they will teach
those children that God is not important. Does this mean that God cannot redeem
the unsaved spouse or the unsaved children? Absolutely not! However, why would
you willing place yourself in that situation? God is a good Father who desires
the best for His children. This is why His word teaches us to not be unequally
yoked. If you have been on the market for what seems a long while, trust that
God knows and He has prepared your way.
The next thing you should look to for a marriage
material Christian is if they display the fruit of the Spirit. The passage
about the fruit of the Spirit is Galatians 5:22-23. The fruit of the Spirit is
evidence of the new life in Christ, as it is what the Holy Spirit produces in
us. Often times we look at the fruit of the spirit as separate fruits because the
multiple aspects of love, joy, peace, patience (forbearance), kindness,
goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control are listed. There is a
problem with viewing the aspects as separate. As Christians we battle with the
sin nature in this life. Due to this battle we do not always display the
aspects of the fruit of the Spirit perfectly. If we apply the aspects of the
fruit of the Spirit as separate attributes then when it comes to dating we put
ourselves in the unfortunate position of looking for absolute perfection in
these areas for who we date, even though we cannot display these attributes perfectly
ourselves. So how does one know if one displays the fruit of the Spirit if the
aspects are not displayed perfectly? The fruit of the Spirit is a matter of the
heart! Does the person have a love for God and does it show? Look at the motivation
behind what they do. Is it because they love the Lord? Non-Christians do not
love God and their actions are guided by their flesh. Look at Galatians 5
closely starting in verse 16 through the end of the chapter.
But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not
carry out the desire of the flesh. For the desire of the flesh is against the
Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one
another, in order to keep you from doing whatever you want. But if you are led
by the Spirit, you are not under the Law. Now the deeds of the flesh are
evident, which are: sexual immorality, impurity, indecent behavior, idolatry,
witchcraft, hostilities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition,
dissensions, factions, envy, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these, of
which I forewarn you, just as I have forewarned you, that those who practice
such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is
love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness,
self-control; against such things there is no law. Now those who belong to
Christ Jesus crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by
the Spirit, letâs follow the Spirit as well. Letâs not become boastful,
challenging one another, envying one another.
Galatians 5:16-26
Notice how in contrast to the fruit of the Spirit it
speaks on the desires of the flesh. It is important to know this because the sinful
man who is without Christ lives according to his flesh and he hates God (Romans5:10). Matthew15:17-19 further clarifies that the deeds of the flesh are from
the heart.
Do you not understand that everything that goes into
the mouth passes into the stomach, and is eliminated? But the things that come
out of the mouth come from the heart, and those things defile the person. For
out of the heart come evil thoughts, murders, acts of adultery, other immoral
sexual acts, thefts, false testimonies, and slanderous statements.
Matthew15:17-19
The question then becomes how do you test someoneâs heart
while dating? In my article âOne Woman's Dating Plan: Offered To Youâ I mention
not getting emotionally invested right away. Often times we walk into dating with
rose colored glasses on. It is evident that there is a level of interest
between the both of you, and when you are dating in hopes to marry there is an
air of hope that it will work out. However, it is not a guarantee that it will
work out. So, it is important to not emotionally invest right away. Which is
not to say be cold on a date, but it is best to approach the getting to know
you stage as no different than hanging out with a good friend until you know it
is more serious. If you worry that you cannot do this on your own, then involve
someone you trust to help you vet the person.
Good
Qualities But Not For Me
The scariest thing in dating, especially if you have
been looking for a spouse, is acknowledging someone is not for you. I mentioned
earlier someone can have good characteristics but not be for you. You may not
want to hurt the other person, or you are afraid that after so long of dating
maybe the right person is not out there for you so you have placed your hope in
God to make this work out. You are not alone in this boat. If you think you are
the only one who has dealt with this, then talk to some married couples about
their experiences pre-marriage. So how do you know who it is? God tailor made
you special and whoever it will be will be tailor made for you. When dating ask
yourself are there things you cannot compromise on? Start there. If being with
someone means compromising on a major issue then that is a good start to say no
to someone. For me personally, it was certain theological positions. I prayed to
God to lead me to the man who had those same positions. As I got to know my
husband I saw we held same values in regards to family and I was blessed to see
his character rather quickly. Another issue could be you just do not click at
all even if you gave them multiple chances at getting to know you
conversations. God knows what you need. Whoever He has for you will not be
perfect, and so do not seek perfection in them. Look at them with grace and see
Christ in them and how He has shaped them to be right for you.
The road to marriage may be bumpy but hang on to the
Lord. I pray this has blessed you, and may you be blessed in your journey wherever you may be.
It is almost New Yearâs Eve and it is a time for rendezvous,
reflections, resolutions, and reminders that you are too old, too young or just
too exhausted to stay up that late to watch the clock strike 12 and the ball drop.
Being that it is almost the New Year, I would like to take a moment to just
touch on some of what I hope to do in 2023, Lord willing.
My focus for 2023 will be guided by the term
expansion. I want to focus on having a larger reach for my work, as such I will
be expanding my presence on social media. I am setting up an official writerâs
page on Facebook. Also, I will be setting up an Instagram for additional promotion,
and I will be utilizing YouTube as well. There is an official writerâs website
writermrssarchet.com where everything can be found in regards to what I am working on. So, if you are interested in updates or learning more please visit the website. By the Lordâs will, the Instagram and Facebook page will
be up and running on January 1st, 2023. I do not have an official
date for the YouTube, but by Godâs will that will begin in January as well. I do
plan to host some events as well in 2023, but I will announce those when they are
closer to time.
So, why am I aiming to expand my audience? I am not
hoping for tons of fame, but I know God has called me to a writerâs life, and I
know this because it is the talent He gave me that has been most blessed by Him,
and I want to use it as much as possible to His glory, and to reach however
many I can by His grace for as long as He has me do this.
Thank you, to all those who continue to support me
in this journey, may God grant you a good start to the New Year.
One of the aspects of my marriage that I have not
blogged about is that my husband has a mental illness. It is not because I am
ashamed or feel it needs to be hidden that I have not written on the topic, but
due to my beliefs on marriage I do not feel it impacts the commitment I made to
him before the Lord. My husband is a Christian mental health advocate and he is
the founder of Christ-Centered Mental Health. As Christians we firmly believe
marriage is a lifetime covenant, but studies have come about showing marriages
where a spouse is mentally ill have divorce rates up to 80% in multiple countries.
My husband and I want to encourage others who are in marriages where there is
mental illness to be strong in those marriages and not to give up on the
covenant that was made before God. And so, we are writing a joint blog post
where we answer 5 questions on being married and dealing with mental illness. I
will be writing from my perspective as a wife without mental illness, and he
will write from the perspective of a husband with mental illness.
The
5 Questions
Do you see your marriage as different from other
marriages because of the mental illness?
My husband disclosed his mental illness to me less
than a week into us getting to know each other. He has schizoaffective
disorder, but he explained how he takes care of his mental health and is
usually stable more than he is unstable because he does take his medication
regularly. This allowed me to be open to the idea of dating him, as it showed
he would be upfront, open, and honest about what is important. As a Christian
my understanding of the world is that sin, death, and decay, and all manners of
illness are a result of the fall of man (Genesis 3). I was never looking for a
perfect husband, I only wanted my husband, and I knew even before marriage that
I would be willing to help care for my husband for as long as God has us on
this earth no matter what illness there may be. With my husbandâs illness I
view it is no different than having to take care of a husband with heart
disease or cancer. All people become ill, and my marriage is normal because of
that. I just need to make sure I am prepared to handle the particulars of my
husbandâs illness.
Does your spouse worry about how you view them
because of their mental illness?
I know he has expressed this to me, but I continue
to try to show him I love him. I deeply love my husband. He is not perfect, but
he is just right for me. I do not think his illness makes him any less loveable
even with the challenges it brings. I always want him to know he is loved.
Different hardships are trying to a marriage in different ways, but if his
illness was an issue that I was not willing to deal with I would not have
married him, as I fully knew he had this illness within a few days of talking
to him.
Do you worry about how the world views your marriage
because of mental illness?
This is not something I normally think of, but I
would say I am more concerned that the world will try to define my husband by
his mental illness instead of seeing him as the whole being he is. My husband
is a man with his own unique, God given personality. He has likes and dislikes,
hopes and dreams, and loves me the way any good man loves his wife. His illness
may cause him to have some bonkers behavior from time to time, but that is not
his normal life. He leads our home in righteousness before the Lord to the best
of his ability. He is a great husband and I am grateful God brought us
together. On that note, I will say there are those who have tried to bring up
transgressions from his past when he was less stable to try to tear apart our
marriage, but he had informed me of those transgressions before we were married.
When someone tries to use my husbandâs illness against him I assure you that
they have done nothing but given me a further reason to love him more, because the
world is against him.
How important is it for your spouse to communicate
their symptoms, and is it always easy?
It is always important for him to let me know when
he is dealing with symptoms from his illness. Sometimes, it is mild, but other
times it is more serious. I find it most helpful if I remain aware of his
symptoms and check in. I always ask how he is feeling. If he goes through something
that may trigger his symptoms, I check in with him and reassure him I am there
for him. It is not always easy for him to communicate his symptoms, because
sometimes he does not notice them. As long as I remain aware of him, sometimes
I might notice before I becomes a full blown episode and this allows him to get
help from his therapist and psychiatrist when necessary.
In what ways has mental illness blessed your marriage?
My husbandâs mental illness has brought us closer
together as a couple and in Christ as we learn to deal with the different
challenges. For example, when I first met my husband he was on the wrong dosage
of meds. After marriage, he was put on a medication that almost killed him, but
through that God placed him on the dosage of the meds that allowed him to
function properly as a person. We really saw the hand of God working through
all of this.
_______________________________
For those who are married and are dealing with
mental illness, my husband and I hope this encourages you. Perhaps you can
answer these questions with your spouse as well. No matter how long you have
been married do not give up on your covenant. Remember your promise to remain in sickness and in health, and mental illness is not excluded from this. Go to counseling if you need it,
and may you look at your spouse as lovingly as you did the day you knew you
loved them.
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